I understand [what] you are saying, but [why] do you say it? 09.27.2011

"Everybody has an opinion"

This is a statement you hear all the time. It's true, I guess, but what directly follows this statement is usually: "So you just have to respect that".. Now that is something I cannot agree with.

Recently I've heard a few people telling me that I come on too strong. (Seriously, like 3 people in 5 days' time) I know I can be quite ruthless sometimes and persistent when I have a message to get across. Some people experience me talking about something and feel that I'm too direct. I've got my opinion set and my arguments are all armed and ready to be released on the push of a button, just waiting to strike and detonate whatever opposing opinion I choose to fire at.

It's a shame that I don't think people think about why it is that I have arguments ready and seem to be able to go point by point through someone else's point of view and take it down. People mistakingly think that this is because I've "done a lot of debating" or "just know a lot of arguments to pick and chose from". I honestly don't think those things matter that much. Sure it's handy that you might have heard some discussions and arguments before and recognize where they fall apart and why, but there is one thing that's more important than just 'being prepared': I know why I have an opinion.

Often times somebody just has an opinion and flatly states "I believe such and such". Without truly understanding why they are saying they believe something, how can someone honestly think they can hold up their point of view against someone who does know why he is saying what he's saying?

I'd like to encourage everybody to evaluate whatever opinions they hold and do a little reality check. Why do I believe this to be true? What honest reasons, rational reasons do you have to believe something is true? If the answer turns out to be "I don't know" or "Because my parents taught me and I never gave it much thought" or "Because I just feel it's this way" you might want to re-evaluate your position.

Another thing I noticed when talking to people is that they sometimes get upset when a certain opinion of theirs is being attacked or refuted. Having an idea that you internalized into something that has become part of your personality is extremely dangerous. In essence this means that there is a part of you that can't ever change, a part that can't ever be false. You limit yourself to thinking inside of a box, always within the confines of that idea, never allowing anything to challenge this belief you have. When you are fortunate enough to be able to actually set aside your beliefs long enough to peer over the edge of your box, you might be able to see the rational clear path to another box, but despite knowing you should probably step out and walk away, you dive straight back into your comfort zone trying to make up a reason why "that other box wouldn't have worked anyway".
 
Isn't the mere fact that you get upset when somebody opposes your belief already an indicator that there is something wrong with that belief? If it gives you an uncomfortable feeling that this pet belief of yours might be wrong, or if you don't want to talk about it, you should probably not be too attached to that belief.

Posted in: Atheism, Rant | Comments (4)
Nobody at 29 September, 2011
People will only get upset when you're just plain rude and disrespectful

Michael at 30 September, 2011
Well "nobody" from Rotterdam, what do you mean with "plain rude and disrespectful"? a comment like this is just a blank shot in the dark -_- if you really mean what you say, don't be anonymous.. straight up say what you mean to say, be a man/woman about it sheesh. And besides that, what is rude and disrespectful? When did I ever mention these things? Fact is, when you tell a religious person that for example, there are no REAL historical accounts of jesus outside of the NT, or that the Jewish faith is based on POLYTHEISM, is it my fault they take that as offensive? I'm merely stating a fact I can back up, am I responsible for the way they take it?

Brett White at 01 October, 2011
I agree Mike, you cannot start seeing or understanding anything if you start with ‘NO’. You have to start with ‘YES’ of basic acceptance, which means not too quickly labelling, analysing, or categorising things in or out, good or bad. You have to leave the field open. The ego seems to strengthen itself by constriction, by being against, or by re-action, and it feels loss or fear when it opens up. Too many people study religion, for example, before they critique their own lens and process. They see without examining their way of seeing. This is particularly true in things like religion, culture, politics and creativity.

Any discussion about beliefs (not just spiritual ones) shouldn’t t be the “I am right, you are wrong” approach; it shouldn’t be judgemental, arrogant or self-righteous. If people feel that they cannot share their views or thoughts for fear of judgement, humiliation or attack, then something is wrong. If people are left feeling ‘stupid’ (even if they are being that way) or ‘disempowered’ at any level, then our methods of discussion should be looked at, just as much as asking ourselves why we feel ‘disempowered” or “stupid” in the first place. Self evaluation is critical in the learning process.

Nobody is completely right, nobody has all the answers, and no one has the right to be arrogant about their particular view. Be passionate yes, be enthusiastic by all means ... but arrogant or aggressive debate is unhealthy, and usually stems from a deeper issue of insecurity. I think that we all need to wrestle with our beliefs, and learn to express them with the blend of conviction and humility that enables us to stand firm, while continuing to listen to the thoughts and views of others. We need to be comfortable with the notion of being wrong, and therefore listen, debate, research and discuss, in order to grow up, mature and develop as people.

I think that learning should be exciting, it should be empowering, but it will be challenging, it will stretch us, it will confront us … but that should grow us, embrace us and leave us wanting more. (In my opinion anyway)

Patrick at 03 October, 2011
I myself also "prepare" for any meeting by evaluating possible answers on my arguments and counter-counter-arguments if needed. It a shame that usually others don't prepare for meeting and often counter suggestions or arguments without thinking why. For example internal procedures: "We've always done it this way!?", this could ofcourse be true but is it also the best way to do it...?

But it also depends on your choice of words, intonation and "status" within said meeting.

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